


Walk Softly (and Carry a Big Stick)

by eastcoastlighthouse



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: M/M, small penis humiliation, sph
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 22:21:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastcoastlighthouse/pseuds/eastcoastlighthouse
Summary: Rick and Jerry have a run-in in the bathroom. A big dick is involved. What happens next will shock you!





	Walk Softly (and Carry a Big Stick)

Like many of Rick Sanchez’s more unpleasant days, this one started with a door that was slightly ajar. By now he really should have known better than to indulge his curiosity (it tended to kill cats and aging scientists alike), but it just so happened that it was the bathroom door in the Smith residence – with Beth at work and the kids at school, which left only one other possibility. A possibility Rick just so happened to delight in embarrassing.

From beyond the door came the sound of off-key humming ( _My Heart Will Go On,_ of course) and the shower running. Light on his feet when he needed to be, Rick tiptoed towards the half-open door, only to strut in as if he paid the mortgage on the place. 

The effect was immediate – Jerry emitted a high-pitched shriek, and covered his various parts (his crotch, certainly – but, somewhat unnecessarily, his chest as well). “Rick! I didn’t know you were home!”

“Just taking a leak, Jer,” Rick shrugged, and proceeded to do just that, standing in front of the toilet with his back to the shower cabin. He didn’t need to have Jerry in his line of sight to know that his hapless son-in-law was staring at him in abject horror. “Hey, don’t mind me. As you were.”

“I can’t shower with you here!” Jerry said. “There’s a bathroom downstairs, just go there!”

“Take it easy.” Rick looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “I’m an old man, this might take a while. Gotta really – gotta shake that lettuce leaf once y-you hit a respectable age, Jerry.”

Jerry’s eyes darted towards the towel hanging over the sink – evidently just out of his reach. “Can you at least hand me–”

“Oohhh, afraid not.” Rick sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Got piss all over… got these piss-covered hands, Jer. It’s not the getting old, it’s the being old, am I right? Dribbling from every–”

Two things happened, in quick succession. Jerry (slumping dejectedly) stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel, briefly exposing his naked body in all its middle-aged dad glory to his father-in-law, and Rick found himself struck dumb for the first time in ages.

His mouth went dry, and it took a concentrated effort not to let his surprise show on his face. Even soft, there was no doubt about it – Jerry was fucking hung. Had he never seen the poor schmuck naked before? Surely not. He would have remembered this – a thick, velvety-looking circumcised cock that looked like it might just give the average Plemplian a run for their money.

Being impressed was his first mistake. Staring just a moment too long was his second, because Jerry Smith was the stupidest person in his immediate family, but not the stupidest guy on the planet. His cheeks still red with embarrassment, something different entirely alighted in his eyes and his gaze travelled down Rick’s body, stopping at the very dick currently still in his hand.

“Huh,” Jerry said. Leave it to Jerry to pack enough unwarranted condescension and undeserved self-confidence in one syllable to just about give Rick an anger-induced aneurysm.

“You usually stare at dicks in the bathroom, Jer?” Rick snapped, and quickly zipped himself back up.

If there had been any doubt about Jerry’s thoughts, that would have been quickly erased when he elected not to wrap the towel around his waist. Instead, he slung it over his shoulder and stood in front of the sink, stretching his hands over his head, displaying both his little beer belly and decidedly not so little cock. “Just surprised I guess,” he said, smirking just enough to have plausible deniability.

Rick might not be the type to get flustered – still, only when his jaw started cramping did he realize he’d been clenching it. “Surprised at what?” Let Jerry be smug – surely he was too much of a shrinking violet at his core that he wouldn’t rise to such a direct challenge.

When Jerry slowly turned to him, lowering his arms, his face a perfectly placid mask, Rick realized he’d miscalculated. “Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I suppose I always thought we’d compare, y’know,” another meaningful downward glance, “differently.”

“Yeah?” Rick barely managed through gritted teeth. Fucking Christ, this was why he avoided fucking humans most of the time – they got so goddamn hung up on nonsense like dick sizes and whatever. Aliens didn’t care. But with humans it was always a huge production – the pity in their eyes, the disappointment, the sheer schadenfreude. As if it meant anything! As if big dicks were anything but impractical and pure genetic chance!

Jerry had by now started flossing, and again peeked over at Rick. “You just always act like you’ve got something to be proud of down there.”

“Yeah?” Rick repeated dumbly. He usually wasn’t caught so off-guard by conversations regarding his general endowment, but he was still processing the size and circumference of Jerry’s own cock.

With saintly patience, Jerry paused his flossing, and in his most gentlemanly of tones imparted the wisdom: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Rick. Good things come in small… well, you know the rest!”

“Yeah? Yeah?” If the entire interaction hadn’t been so damn surreal Rick might’ve been more on top of his body’s reactions, might have realized that that hot, roiling feeling in his stomach did not exclusively point towards anger, that this particular encounter was reminiscent of certain indulgences he usually kept squarely between himself and various multimedia devices (and, occasionally, a paid professional). But he wasn’t, and by the time it hit him that he wasn’t just enraged it was already too late. His dick, which barely cleared two inches, wasn’t much bigger when engorged – but it strained at his corduroys all the same.

Before, Jerry would have shrunk away at the sight of a furious Rick, but he was evidently still flying high on this new revelation. Still with that angelic smile on his round face, he said: “Calm down, Rick! I’ve never known you to sweat… the small stuff.”

“You son of a bitch!” Rick seethed, and before either one of them knew it his hands were around Jerry’s throat – tightly enough to make an impression, but not much more.

For his part, Jerry didn’t drop his paternal demeanor, even if his voice sounded a little off. “See?” he squeaked hoarsely. “You’re great with your hands. Throw in some oral and no one will even need y– _hhggghhkkk_ –”

Of course he couldn’t throttle his naked son-in-law in a bathroom on a Tuesday morning, so Rick begrudgingly let him go, only to see with dismay that even the red marks on his throat didn’t keep Jerry from grinning back at him. Worst of all, his towel had fallen off during the commotion, and now his body was entirely visible to Rick – the cushiony belly, the squishy rolls, the doughy softness of it all, the sparse hair on his chest, all of it only succeeding in making him look like a human-shaped Pillow Pet. A Pillow Pet, of course, with a giant cock between his untrained legs. In a way, all those gentle slopes and soft curves just made his dick look even more impressive, more aggressive. Like lying down on a waterbed to find a rattlesnake between the sheets.

And between Rick’s own metaphorical sheets, a vole. If that. A vole that was stirring mightily, certainly, but even with blood rushing into it it was nothing to write home about. Nothing worth of anyone’s notice except Rick’s own, who had no choice but to bear the dull throbbing with as much dignity as he could muster, which wasn’t all that much at all. “Y-y-you’ll have someone’s eye out with that thing,” he sneered.

“Haven’t had any complaints yet,” Jerry shrugged, finally deigning to wrap the towel around his midsection. His dramatic reveal had served its purpose. “Anyway. I’m done. Bathroom’s all yours. Have a good time!”

And that last note might have been cryptic if it had not also been accompanied by an utterly unashamed grope, Jerry’s soft, uncalloused hand enclosing Rick’s bulge easily and giving it a tender little squeeze before breezing to the master bedroom, again humming a little tune.

And Rick, for his part, had no choice but to jack off into the toilet.


End file.
